


“thank u, next”

by wolfjillyjill



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: 12DaysofClexa, Aden is Lexa and Costia's son, Alpha Lexa, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst with a Happy Ending, Clexmas18, Day7, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Firefighter Lexa, Fluff and Angst, Free day, Friends to Lovers, G!p Lexa, Girl Penis Lexa, Healing, Inspired by Music, Loss, Minor Character Death, Omega Clarke, Past Finn Collins/Clarke Griffin, Past Relationships, Tw: Car Accidents, past lexa/costia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-22 19:33:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17065781
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfjillyjill/pseuds/wolfjillyjill
Summary: "I had a feeling I'd find you here."Clarke's ears perk up at the familiar sound. One she's grown used to hearing around this time every year now. One that has somehow awarded her comfort in the mix of her grieving aura. The smell of old smoke laced with cinnamon cloaks the figure that stands beside her. A smell that she never thought she'd find in any way appealing, but welcomed nonetheless.The older woman takes her usual place at Clarke's right. Side by side, only a few inches between them. The warmth of the alpha somehow reaching her skin through the crisp draft of winter, though they are not even touching. It's become a very nice feeling to behold these last three years.'Wow, has it really been that long?'****Aka An unexpected holiday tragedy, brings two lost souls together.





	1. “I’ve Loved and I’ve Lost”

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to do something to contribute to the Clexmas '18 celebrations, so here's my piece.
> 
> Mostly though, this is a therapeutic fic I decided to write in order to work through some things I'm going through emotionally. December has historically been a very difficult month for me (this year has been no different on that front) so I just needed a healthy way to deal with those feelings.
> 
> I already have a good chunk of this fic finished, so I'll upload chapters periodically once I've revised them.
> 
> Please leave me your thoughts in the comments and some lovely kudos if you wish.  
> I'd like to know if I'm wasting mine or anyone else's time posting this at all, but really, I just needed to get this out.
> 
> Happy Holidays to you all. <3

Chapter 1: “I’ve Loved and I’ve Lost”  


She buries herself beneath the fortress of a large coat and sweater. Shielding herself from the onslaught of the brisk air that surrounds her. Tiny freckles of snow kiss her nose the ground below. Covering the dirt in a blanket of white and wonder. Tis the season indeed, she was reminded while on her way here. The decorum of bright, colorful lights, cheerful music, and excited children signaling such things were true. She was usually one of them, a person wrapped up in the festivities of it all, but no more. These days, the holiday was a signature slap in her face than anything else.   


"I had a feeling I'd find you here."  


Clarke's ears perk up at the familiar sound. One she's grown used to hearing around this time every year now. One that has somehow awarded her comfort in the mix of her grieving aura. The smell of old smoke laced with cinnamon cloaks the figure that stands beside her. A smell that she never thought she'd find in any way appealing, but welcomed nonetheless.   


The older woman takes her usual place at Clarke's right. Side by side, only a few inches between them. The warmth of the alpha somehow reaching her skin through the crisp draft of winter, though they are not even touching. It's become a very nice feeling to behold these last three years.  
  
'Wow, has it really been that long?'  


"How is he today?" Lexa asks, as she too huddles herself within her navy-blue North Face coat.  


Clarke averts her gaze from the newly dusted and decorated headstone to meet the surreal forest eyes of her guest. "Good, I think. I placed a few candy canes and mistletoe along the top. He loved those."  


Lexa hums. "She did too." She gives the omega a small smile before turning to glance at the neighboring headstone just beside Finn's. "Costia was a sucker for little mistletoe antics. She'd plant them in random spots around the house. Waiting for a chance to kiss me and Aden. I grew used to it, but she nearly scared the life out of our son half a dozen times with her trickery."  


They both share a genuine chuckle at the memory. "How is Aden doing? I thought he'd be with you."  


Lexa slowly shakes her head. "Not this time. He said he wanted to be with his grandparents and celebrate his mother's life and Christmas with them. They’ve had a rough go of it, understandably. He wants to help make it a little easier for them if he can."  
  
Clarke nods in affirmation. For as long as she’s known the young boy, he’d been very kind hearted and giving. A lot like his mom, if she were honest. "Why didn't you go with them then?"  


Lexa looks at her, a tender seriousness upon her features, "Because I had to make sure you had someone too."   


Clarke's eyes widen in serene surprise at Lexa's answer. A light stream of solace fueling her heartbeat.  


Lexa was the only one who could offer her breaks from her state of melancholy; their seemingly fateful shared losses having brought them together. They spoke frequently on the phone, shared each other’s company during visits to the cemetery or one of their grief group counseling meetings, and had coffees with a side of laughs whenever Lexa’s schedule awarded it. Clarke was the one Lexa would call whenever her sitter, Monty, wasn’t able to look after Aden. And Lexa was on Clarke’s speed dial whenever the days were just too much to handle on her own. Ringing her doorbell with ice cream, cheesy stupid comedies, and Aden’s ever addicting cloud of cheerfulness to heal whatever wound gaped her soul.

 

They got to know each other enough to consider themselves as friends, maybe even best friends, but Clarke never really let her mind wander to the idea of more. Her mind constantly telling her it was too soon. That no one could ever replace Finn. But Lexa still was a bright spot in her most of her days. The only one who proactively catered to her needs, without ever asking for anything in return. Part of Clarke thought Lexa only did it out of some sense of obligation, but was proven wrong on that fact time and time again.

Lexa was a bundle of small kindnesses’, Clarke noticed, and she was very much grateful for it. Especially today.  


Because it's true, if Lexa hadn't come, as she'd always done, she'd be alone here today. Mourning the loss of her fallen lover in all her lonesome. Locked in her immortal pain where even the brightest of lights couldn’t find her. Finn was all Clarke had before he was taken from her. That realization, hitting her every time she let her mind dance in the days when it was just him and her against the world.  


Finn had been her middle school sweetheart, and the one person who really got her from day one. They'd grown up together, and when they'd both presented, they discovered their love for one another. Her father was gone, cancer had taken him long ago, and her mother was controlling and disapproved of the alpha. They fought like hell to be together until they were old enough to just runaway and build a life of their own. A struggle every step of the way, but worth it.  


They'd both done very well for themselves. He went into the career of a game developer, while she pursued arts and design. Her work became renown in the New York City area, while he was a rising star at Rockstar Games. They bought a home. Had two dogs and a cat. Created a solid foundation for them both to stand on. He even finally asked her to be his mate and they were set to start a family. Everything had been magical and fallen into place.  


At least it had, until three years ago.  


****  


They had planned to meet at their favorite restaurant, The Ark, for a dinner celebration. Clarke had landed a showcase with a major art curator, and Finn thought it was definitely cause for some great food and even better drinks. Finn had been running late though, his team was in the final stages of developing some new game he was really excited about. Another open world project she guessed. Gaming was one of their many shared hobbies, so she was used to him coming home or being late for things all the time, but something had felt different. It was going on a little over an hour, and he still had not arrived yet.  


"Where is he?" Clarke said, annoyance finding its way in her voice.  


She was about to call him again when her phone started to ring. An unknown number.  


"Hello?"  
  
"Evening, is this Ms. Clarke Griffin?" The voice of a strange woman answered. She was practically shouting with all the noise going on in the background.  


"Yes, this is she, who is this?"  


"This is Harper Montgomery, I'm a nurse at Trikru Medical Center. You were the emergency contact for a, Mr. Finn Collins?"  


'Oh no, please let him be okay.' Clarke immediately started to feel a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. "Yes, what happened? Is Finn alright?"  


There's a disturbing pause before Harper replies. "I'm sorry, Ms. Griffin. There was an accident..."  


'An accident...' Clarke's mind began to spiral. Everything around her becoming a blur as the venomous bite of loss consumed her. Finn was supposed to meet her here. They were supposed to be celebrating, happy, and making their final plans for Christmas day that had only been two more days away. They were supposed to be eating at their favorite place, laughing, joking with their usual waitress, Monroe.   
  
'He's supposed to be here. He's not supposed to be gone...'  


She wasn't even able to hear the rest of what Harper was telling her until the last thing she said before hanging up. Clarke needed to come to the hospital and identify his body. Finn's body.   


'This can't be happening...'  


It took her 20 minutes to reach Trikru Med. 30 minutes of talking to the emergency surgeon, Doctor Marcus Kane, and the first responders about the details of the accident. Another 10 minutes of Kane trying to prepare her for what she was about to see and leading her to Finn's room, but honestly, nothing could be worse than the images cooking up in her imagination. 1 minute, after the curtain had been pulled back and the sheet lifting, for her heart to completely break.   


She recognized his floppy hair, now caked in soot and ashes. The small notch in his right ear that he got after falling off a tree when they were kids, now covered over by dried blood and 2nd degree burns that also dawned a percentage of his arms, face, and hands. The promise ring he wore every day on his left hand, mirroring the one on hers, nearly fused with the skin of his fingers. The stillness of his face was almost foreign, because she had grown accustomed to his constant smile in her presence.   
  
It was him. There was no mistaking it. And her world came crashing down in an instant.  


According to reports, a newly 21-year old drunken reckless driver tried to cut off a supply truck on the FDR highway, which led to a ten-car pileup. Seven of the fifteen people caught in the collision died that day, including the reckless driver who caused the unspeakable tragedy. The worst accident in that area in years.  


Bleeding in his brain. That's what Doctor Kane said ultimately brought Finn to his end. He survived the initial crash, but they believed he suffered a massive head trauma that went unnoticed due to the immense chaos around them. Witnesses told how he crawled out of the wreckage of his vehicle, called 911, then proceeded to try rescuing anyone he could on his own.   


A small curve touches her lips at the thought. That was just like Finn, doing his best to help others.  


She spent Christmas planning his funeral that year. And nothing had been the same ever since.  


****  


"Hey, hey. It's okay." Lexa says as she wipes at the tears that began to descend down Clarke's cheeks.   


Clarke felt that familiar warmth grow tenfold as Lexa pulls her into her arms. Shielding the omega against her sorrows with the thickness of her chest and muscle along her biceps that could even be felt through the puffy winter coats. It made Clarke's heart beat in a strange way. A strangeness only unique to Lexa, it would seem.   


The alpha let's out a parade of comforting pheromones that soothe Clarke's raging emotions almost expertly. "I know, I know. I'm here, Clarke. You're not alone."  


She wasn't, not anymore, at least. That realization, pushing her to wrap her arms in tandem around Lexa's waist. Keeping her as close as possible. 

 

“…would you…” Clarke can feel it as Lexa’s throat swallows hard against her hair. Her voice, nearly a whisper as the question struggles to spill through her lips. “…would you spend the holidays with me…?”

 

Clarke slightly lifts from the safety of Lexa’s chest to meet her eyes. They’re nervous in a way she’d never seen before. Insecure. Unsure. Almost ready back track on the request laid before her. But Clarke couldn’t understand why, or at least, the reality of it refused to really hit her at the moment. Regardless, there was no one she’d rather spend her time with.

 

“…Yes.”


	2. “Look What I’ve Found”

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look back at Lexa's life before, and how she met Clarke.

Chapter 2: “Look What I’ve Found”

 

 

Lexa rolls her eyes as she watched her mate run in complete chaotic motions around their home. Christmas was only two days away, and it being Costia’s favorite holiday meant the omega was going to be in a frenzy up until the day was finally behind them.

 

 

Lexa never minded though, she found it rather adorable.

 

 

“You could get off your lazy butt and help, ya’know?” Costia huffs as she puts up the last edge of the snowy tinsel along their fireplace.

 

 

“Not lazy, I’m just very entertained by you.” Lexa replies as she takes a sip of her hot cocoa with marshmallows. “Besides, we both know if Aden or I ever dared to help you set all this up, you’d just boss us around and tell us to get out of the way anyway.”

 

 

Lexa gives a playful smile as her mate glares at her. They both knew Lexa was right. Costia was a perfectionist, therefore, if something didn’t look exactly the way she pictured it then she’d have to fuss over it till it was.

 

 

“Oh, shut up, and pass me my cup already.”

 

 

Lexa chuckles and grabs the other steaming cup of cocoa. She gets up and kisses Costia’s forehead before giving her the beverage. There is an innocent air of contentment that takes the both of them as they stand opposite one another, each sipping from their respective cups while staring admirably at the other.

 

 

Lexa loved Costia. Revered her, for as long as they both could remember. The omega was fierce, loyal, and so very stubborn in all the ways that made the alpha swoon over her. They connected almost immediately, after a minor bumpy start, when they were young.

 

 

Costia transferred into Lexa’s high school music class and the young alpha had been instructed to take the omega under her wing, much to her disappointment. Lexa typically kept to herself and didn’t like others. She had to break away from abusive parents, and practically raised herself from the time she was ten, so trusting people was far off the table in her mind. Her heart was hard and cold, most didn’t bother giving her the time of day, but Costia was always the epitome of delicate patience.

 

 

She never gave Lexa respite when the alpha was unruly and confrontational. She teased her, and affectionately called her ‘The Commander’ because she was a tad bit bossy during rehearsals. It had annoyed Lexa at first, but over time the term, along with Costia herself became the definition of endearing. It was Costia’s gentle nature and willingness to stick around that finally calmed the fire within Lexa, changed her into a kinder person, and blossomed a friendship she never thought she could have with someone. That foundation of friendship turned to love, and the two built a future in their image from there.

 

 

They were there for each other every step of the way. Lexa, helping Costia through all her schooling to become a high school guidance counselor. Costia, being Lexa’s emotional support as she strived to be a firefighter for the FDNY. The unplanned but thrilling heat/rut syncing that led to them becoming mates and having Aden. An event neither regretted to this day. As far as Lexa was concerned, they were living their best, storybook lives, and she hoped it would never change.

 

 

A buzz from Costia’s phone breaks their gaze, and Lexa knows what’s up as soon as she hears Costia let out a frustrated sigh after reading a text message.

 

 

“Nia isn’t coming, is she?”

 

 

“Nope, which means now I’m the one who has to cook the turkey this year. Again.” Costia replies with a dramatic eyeroll. Costia’s cousin was known for flaking on every family event, but that never stopped her mate from hoping things would be different this time. Costia always tried to believe in the best in people, which honestly only made the alpha laud her even more.

 

 

“Well, most of the markets around us are closed now. I could go to the one across town and grab it before they close?” Lexa offers as she lovingly rubs her hand along Costia’s arm. Doing her best to calm the nerves of her anxious mate.

 

 

“No, no. You should stay. Pike finally let you have the holidays off this year, and Aden wants to build the gingerbread house with you. He’s gonna be here any minute from Anya and Raven’s, so you wait for him. It shouldn’t take me long to pick one up and get back.”

 

 

Costia made a very good point. Pike rarely let his lieutenants have time off, so it was never guaranteed that Lexa would be around for any celebrations. Thankfully, he was feeling generous this year and she was going to be able to spend Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with her mate and their son.

 

 

“You sure?” Lexa knew Costia was right, but she still wanted to be useful.

 

 

Costia gave her alpha a chaste kiss and smiled. “Yes, go relax. Your week was hard enough with that fire in Midtown the other day. I’ll be back before you know it.”

 

 

Lexa smiled back, feeling grateful over how thoughtful her mate was. ‘I really did luck out, didn’t I?’ She thought as she sat in her favorite chair and watched Costia get ready. They exchanged one more ‘I love you’, before Costia headed out the door.

 

 

She was so happy she was going to be able to spend the next few days like this. Carefree, eating good food, and seeing all the joy on her son and mate’s face. It felt like forever since the last time she did. She even managed to find the perfect gift for Costia that she had to hide in her locker at work in order to keep the nosey omega from finding it.

 

 

Everything was as it should be.

 

 

At least, that’s what she thought at the time.

 

 

But an hour later, she received a phone call…and everything changed.

 

 

"Hello?" Lexa answered her phone, smiling at her son who had arrived a while ago and was trying to get two pieces of gingerbread to stick together with some icing.

 

 

"Evening, is this Mrs. Alexandria Woods?" A vaguely familiar voice replied.

 

 

"Yes, this is she, who is this?"

 

 

"This is Harper Montgomery, the nurse at Trikru Medical Center. You were the emergency contact for a, Mrs. Costia Green Woods?"

 

 

‘No. Oh god, no.’ Lexa’s smile dropped immediately as realization hit her. She knew Harper from the times she had to help escort victims to the hospital. She knew why she called people’s homes and she prayed she was wrong. “…where’s Costia…?”

 

 

There's a disturbing pause before Harper replies. "I'm sorry, Lexa. There was an accident..."

 

 

***two month later***

 

 

“Alright, we made some great progress today everyone.” Luna, the head of their group grief counseling meeting, said. “Please, help yourselves to some of the snacks and drinks we have at the back and feel free to come to me if you have any questions. If not, then I’ll see you all at our session next week.”

 

 

Lexa stayed in her seat and watched as people started to get up and make their way around the room. They were all the mates, and/or family members of the seven people who died in the tragic accident that also took Costia from her nearly two months ago. She preferred dealing with her grief on her own, but her friend and coworker, Anya, expressed concern for the alpha’s mental health after weeks of being almost inconsolable after the incident. Lexa wanted to refuse, but she had her son to think about.

 

 

The loss of Costia was hard on the both of them, but she knew Aden wasn’t going to be able to make peace with it if she couldn’t either. He was only 6 years-old, and up until that point he'd never been subjected to the death of anyone close to him. Lexa had made sure he went to his own therapy sessions a week after the funeral, and Aden was doing everything he could to adjust to the unfortunate situation, but she could feel the affects her sadness was having on him.

 

 

She couldn't keep on like she was. Antisocial, not sleeping, barely eating, working far too much as well as being reckless on the job. She managed to get herself written up after she ignored a direct order about not reentering a building that was engulfed in flames. She managed to save the person inside, but burned the right side of her face bad enough that it left behind a faint yet noticeable scar. Pike, feeling he had no other choice, suspended her without pay for a week to accompany the write up in order to smarten her up. But honestly, it only made her feel worse and irresponsible.

 

 

Lexa really was a mess in every sense of the word, and she did not like who she was becoming. She knew that Costia wouldn’t want either Aden or herself to suffer though she was gone, so Lexa agreed to do what was necessary to get better. To heal. To hopefully make some sense of all this madness that has found its way in her life.

 

 

The smell of cucumber melon perfume, the most pleasant thing she’s smelled in some time, catches her nose, making her lift her head. Something calls for her to search out the source, so she does, until she sees the only other person, like her, still seated in the room. An omega woman, maybe a few years younger than her, with light yellow hair like daffodils, sitting just across.

 

 

Her head hanging low. Eyes downcast. A cloud of dismay holding her in her place. Her blue jeaned knees tucked and meeting each other closely, while her hands sit atop them. Fingers fumbling with one another in a nervous, tense fashion. A soft, white cardigan covering her shaking shoulders. Lexa assumes she’s new since the alpha had been here a few times now, but doesn’t remember ever seeing the woman before.

 

 

Lexa can sense her tidal wave of emotions without even fully seeing her face. She is alone. Afraid. Hurting. A mirror of what Lexa sees in herself every time she looks at her own reflection. Every time she sees her now empty bed. Every time she fights a sob in her chest.

 

 

‘Go to her.’ A voice in her head says, one that almost sounds familiar, and Lexa is up before she realizes she’s moving.

 

 

She grabs some tissues off a table nearby, before she takes the empty seat beside the blonde. She waits for a bit to see if the woman rejects her being there, when she doesn’t, Lexa gently places the tissues in the other woman’s hands.

 

 

The omega accepts them, before shakily bringing the tissues to her eyes. They sit there in silence together, only a few sniffles coming from the omega every now and then, and it’s oddly calming. Peaceful, in a sense. The first genuine emotional break they were awarded in a long time. And neither of them makes an effort to change it in any way, because they really didn’t need to. For now, this was enough.

 

 

It’s another three weeks before the mysterious blonde omega finally speaks.

 

 

“Clarke…” She says it faintly, almost missable if Lexa didn’t have such a keen sense of hearing.

 

 

Lexa’s eyes move from watching the people socializing around the room again to the blonde figure beside her. Surprised at how sweet sounding the woman was. “Clarke?”

 

 

The omega nods her head timidly. “Yeah, my name. My name is Clarke Griffin.”

 

 

She’d kept to her routine of joining the woman after every session. They were still the only two in the group whom had refused to speak, opting to just listen and be an audience for the others working out their own grief. Clarke had always been the last one to stumble in a few minutes after the sessions would start. Large glasses or her long wavy hair covering her face as she walked through. She’d kept her head low, as always, trying to be as incognito as possible.

 

 

But Lexa had always noticed her. Always picked up on how unsettled she was, and something in Lexa kept pushing her towards the woman. Coaxing her to be there for this lone omega. Instead of fighting it, she obeyed, and today it looked like the patience she’d learned to develop, thanks to Costia, worked out in her favor.

 

 

The edge of Lexa’s lips curls upwards as a small sense of pride finds its way into her chest. “It’s nice to meet you, Clarke. I’m Lexa, Lexa Woods.”

 

 

Clarke’s head slowly rises and crystalized blue eyes meet Lexa’s. They’re shy, a hint of fear within them, but an extension of trust exists behind it all. “Thank you, Lexa, for, um, keeping me company…this…it’s all just…it’s a lot…and…” Her emotions, beginning to peak in her voice as she tries to open up. Tears rimming her eyes.

 

 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay.” Lexa places her hand atop Clarke’s, squeezing gently, conveying all the kindness her heart can muster. “You don’t need to thank me. You looked like you might have needed someone…I know what that’s like.”

 

 

Clarke nods her head in agreement, her eyes shying away just a bit.

 

 

“This place can be a bit overwhelming. I still haven’t really molded to it as much as I wish I could.” Lexa confesses with a deep sigh. “I usually just try to find a quiet place and sip some coffee to ease my mind.” A thought springs to her head and she’s speaking before she can truly analyze its contents. “You’re welcome to join me, if you think that would be helpful?”

 

 

Clarke raises her eyes, meeting Lexa’s once again, except this time there’s a little more relief within them. “I-I…I’m more of a hot chocolate kind of person..." she replies, "...but yeah, I think...I think I’d like to try that.”

 

 

Lexa stands up, extends her hand to Clarke, and gives her a warm smile, “Two hot chocolates on me then.”

 

 

Clarke smiles softly back at her, takes her hand, and they both make their way to the exit.

 

 

Lexa’s sadness, finding a touch of calm for the first time in what felt like forever.

**Author's Note:**

> My tumblr is officially gone now, but you can follow me:
> 
> Twitter: @thelonewolf28  
> Instagram: wolfjillyjill


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